I did ask for half a cup of coffee, but what I got was a whole cup of crazy.

From the Submitter: I tried to explain to my mother why these cherubic ceramic figurines that look like little white kids in costumes was, at the very least, bordering on extremely racist, but she didn’t see how that could possibly be. “But the little Indians are so cute!” *facepalm*

When I said I wanted to listen to The Monkeys, this wasn’t exactly what I had in mind. I’ll be taking the last trian to grossville.

From the submitter: Apparently, the nipple-knob monkey radio with antenna tail and attached monkey baby was quite the hot item back in the day.

Is there anything this guy can’t do? After stitching the flag he’s going to teach a box of orphan kittens how to Dougie.

And the winner for best security system of all time goes to… Grandma. 

I’d rather swim through a moat filled with Mountain Dew Code Red and face a rabid guard Giraffe that sneezes laser beams than walk into this den of madness.

From the Submitter: Welcome to my grandma’s house.  Believe it or not, there’s an entire set of furniture including a couch, loveseat, and table underneath all of those dolls.

Someone loves Lucy so much that her estate has filed for an order of protection. But as they say, true love knows no bounds. 

Who needs an alarm system when you have this in your dining room?

Oh yeah, one more thing.

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AND ALL THAT IS SACRED, PLEASE GET THIS THING ANOTHER SHOE!  

From the Submitter: This little treasure is called Precious and she/it belongs to my mother. I wish I could tell you that I propped her/it on the shelf for picture taking purposes…but…that’s where Precious sits, on top of the rarely used wine rack, in between some never used tea cups. The doll, the wine, the cups, all part of the charming decor. 

My parents’ living room shelf. My anti-drug.

I’m pretty sure this type of “monkey business” is illegal in almost every state. 

That smile doesn’t sit well with me. 

Her version of “hat head” is what a doctor might call “severe scoliosis.”