At last, we’ve colonized the liquor cabinet.

Welcome, friends. 

This is how our dad makes our little brother eat the vegetables. 

Not only does this not make me want to eat vegetables, but it doesn’t not make me want (double-negative, that just happened) to stab my self in the eye with a green that is high in anti-oxidants. I’m thinking asparagus. Yeah, asparagus. 

Nothing makes you get along as a family during christmas time more than mom keeping rat poison next to the holiday cookies. 

Aww! Get it? ‘Cause when you hang a suit on it, it looks like a dog is wearing it. Then you go to your job and try to jump out the window cause the dog’s spirit haunts whatever it touches. 

Nothing says “we’re prepared for anything” like a medical grade blood pressure meter and a bulk pac of bounty paper towels. 

(submitted by anonymous) 

side note: we’re on twitter, so follow us or something or nothing. @crapatmyparents