Because religious items don’t scare enough kids already.  

From the submitter: My parents used to keep this faceless nightmare of the Virgin Mary under the stairs when it wasnt the holiday season. I dont know if they could have tried harder to scar me!

To an adult this says:

“I’m weird art.”

To a kid this says:

“Maybe it’s lipstick or maybe it’s blood but either way, I’m gonna eat your face off in your dreams so don’t steal, eat all your vegetables and enjoy that lifelong irrational fear of oceans.”

Looking at this doll just makes me want to go play a fun game of hide and seek. 

Great, now I can have my nightmares hosted by Captain Kangaroo.

What did the ventriloquist say to his dummy? Nothing, because the dummy murdered him in his sleep.

Either way, someone’s getting stuffed in a trunk.

Toxic fumes and toxic fish. Because kids don’t hate basements enough.

He doesn’t give out candy, he just backhands you.

Goodbye, 1999 and hello, 1933.

I don’t fear the reaper, but I do fear yard work.

I lied. I fear both. 

Someone paid actual money for this.